One of the things that I love about hanging out in gay bars is some of the extraordinary people that you meet in them.
Last night, whilst indulging in my CTM (Coke, Tia Maria and Malibu) in The Sea View (where all the rough gays in Birchington gather), I was approached by a darkly handsome, lean and muscular fella called Dave.
Dave, who's a travelling double glazing rep., suffers the most hideous halitosis that I've ever encountered outside of an entire biker convention. Every time he spoke, I thought I was going to vomit and how he ever manages to sell windows to people, Freddie Mercury alone knows!
They're probably happy to just sign up and get rid of him.
But he had an unusual claim to fame, insofar as his ability to light his burps. And trust me, it was quite a thing to behold! He went on to explain that years of hot curries and gay love (not a pleasant combination in my book) had messed his insides up, and left him with a unique way of lighting peoples' cigarettes for them.
Very impressive indeed.
Needless to say, I went home on my own!