Brown around the edges and pink in the middle, does it for me.
And after catching wind that Ramsgate's most infamous gay pub, Churchill's Tavern, is offering two rumps for a fiver on Tuesday evenings, I think I may have to pop over tomorrow and get stuck right in!
I may have another stab at that slightly feminine looking barman, Andrew, while I'm at it. He has put on a bit of weight recently, but I'm sure I can help him work that off!
Monday, 12 May 2008
Sunday, 20 April 2008
Rodger Wilko.
Call me odd if you like but one thing that I find really appealing about Ramsgate is your wonderful branch of Wilkinsons.
I can spend hours in there, perusing their enormous array of goodies and just soaking up the wonderful, almost frenzied atmos.
It's also a great place to 'pull', for those of you that weren't aware. Though I'd imagine it difficult for anyone not to notice.
And, just across the road, there's the multi-storey car park, with it's selection of en-suite cottages.
Heaven!
Think I may pop over today, to satisfy my hardware needs.
I can spend hours in there, perusing their enormous array of goodies and just soaking up the wonderful, almost frenzied atmos.
It's also a great place to 'pull', for those of you that weren't aware. Though I'd imagine it difficult for anyone not to notice.
And, just across the road, there's the multi-storey car park, with it's selection of en-suite cottages.
Heaven!
Think I may pop over today, to satisfy my hardware needs.
Tuesday, 15 April 2008
In For A Penny, In For A Pounding.
Finding blogger to be getting a little boring and what with being finally, once and for all, snubbed by one of my favourite ports of call in Westgate, I thought I'd hang up my brown hat for a while.
Now though, as the field seems to be heating up once again and I no longer have the Westgate contingency being constantly rubbed in my face (if you'll pardon my turn of phrase), it seems appropriate to make a come-back (again, apologies for the rather poor double-entendre).
Other than that, and the fact that we have fewer historical buildings in Thanet now, little seems to have changed!
Well, I have a new hairdo, but really didn't see much point in changing my profile photo on the strength of it.
How's it hanging, luvvies?
Now though, as the field seems to be heating up once again and I no longer have the Westgate contingency being constantly rubbed in my face (if you'll pardon my turn of phrase), it seems appropriate to make a come-back (again, apologies for the rather poor double-entendre).
Other than that, and the fact that we have fewer historical buildings in Thanet now, little seems to have changed!
Well, I have a new hairdo, but really didn't see much point in changing my profile photo on the strength of it.
How's it hanging, luvvies?
Friday, 26 October 2007
Ex Citation.
As I seem do be doing an awful lot, of late, I popped over to Ramsgate on Monday for a drink or two in that madhouse, otherwise known as The Artillery Arms. And, as also happens an awful lot, I wasn't let down on the entertainment front.
Walking into the place, I was confronted by an ex-boyfriend of mine, from several years back, now gone 'straight' (though he's seeing a hairdresser these days, so there's probably still a little curvature to his sexuality) and spent the evening with him, catching up on old times.
Now he always used to be a bit odd, but he seems to have developed that trait to the point where 'men in white coats' should be starting to show a keen interest.
While standing outside with him, smoking a cigarette and shooting the breeze, the police screeched to a halt at the house across the road (not an uncommon sight, I'm led to believe), and continued to interrogate one of the occupants. As if not entertaining enough in itself, my ex started poking his nose in (and he does have an extraordinarily large one of those. Shame the proportions couldn't have landed a few feet further south) to the point where he was pissing the rozzers off, big time!
Well, it didn't take too long before the whole thing started to get quite embarrassing, so I shuffled back inside, shortly followed by the ex who'd suddenly lost his brave, now that he was all alone.
Still quite aghast and not really sure how to deal with his sudden, childish outburst, one of the coppers came into the pub and gave him the sort of dressing-down that you'd expect a livid parent to give a five-year-old child. I'm sure his nose shrunk a little bit in the proccess. His ego and bravado certainly did.
Now I know that you'd have to have been there to really appreciate the moment but it was, by far and away, one of the funniest things I'd seen for a very long time!
Hats off to Thanet police for not taking any shit. And I never thought I'd hear myself say that!
Walking into the place, I was confronted by an ex-boyfriend of mine, from several years back, now gone 'straight' (though he's seeing a hairdresser these days, so there's probably still a little curvature to his sexuality) and spent the evening with him, catching up on old times.
Now he always used to be a bit odd, but he seems to have developed that trait to the point where 'men in white coats' should be starting to show a keen interest.
While standing outside with him, smoking a cigarette and shooting the breeze, the police screeched to a halt at the house across the road (not an uncommon sight, I'm led to believe), and continued to interrogate one of the occupants. As if not entertaining enough in itself, my ex started poking his nose in (and he does have an extraordinarily large one of those. Shame the proportions couldn't have landed a few feet further south) to the point where he was pissing the rozzers off, big time!
Well, it didn't take too long before the whole thing started to get quite embarrassing, so I shuffled back inside, shortly followed by the ex who'd suddenly lost his brave, now that he was all alone.
Still quite aghast and not really sure how to deal with his sudden, childish outburst, one of the coppers came into the pub and gave him the sort of dressing-down that you'd expect a livid parent to give a five-year-old child. I'm sure his nose shrunk a little bit in the proccess. His ego and bravado certainly did.
Now I know that you'd have to have been there to really appreciate the moment but it was, by far and away, one of the funniest things I'd seen for a very long time!
Hats off to Thanet police for not taking any shit. And I never thought I'd hear myself say that!
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Electric Planes On The Table At Manston.
While I'm all for new, modern and fangled appliances, I'm not so sure that there's any place for them in carpentry, at all.
Though I'm not, as such, a carpenter myself, I do come from a long line of them, dating back some 2000 years, originating in The Middle East.
So, upon recieving the exciting news that they were refurbishing the 'Restaurant At The End Of The Runway' at KLMIA (eww, sounds like one of those STDs), I thought I'd pop along and see if any of the burly builders needed tips from me.
Well, with all the complaints about noisy planes that Manston have been recieving of late, you'd really think that they wouldn't want to add to it by employing chippies that had never heard of elbow grease.
They're making a rod (probably on a lathe) for their own back, if you ask me!
Though I'm not, as such, a carpenter myself, I do come from a long line of them, dating back some 2000 years, originating in The Middle East.
So, upon recieving the exciting news that they were refurbishing the 'Restaurant At The End Of The Runway' at KLMIA (eww, sounds like one of those STDs), I thought I'd pop along and see if any of the burly builders needed tips from me.
Well, with all the complaints about noisy planes that Manston have been recieving of late, you'd really think that they wouldn't want to add to it by employing chippies that had never heard of elbow grease.
They're making a rod (probably on a lathe) for their own back, if you ask me!
Monday, 8 October 2007
DUMPT-ON
Many apologies to Vernon Glodatiada, who's home town got missed from my list.
I really didn't want to make a big thing of the fact the both Ra, msg, ate and Bro-ad stairs have their sewage outfalls located here, but hey, as anyone who rents one of their beach huts will attest, the 'blind salmon' make for some astonishing silhouettes at sunset.
I really didn't want to make a big thing of the fact the both Ra, msg, ate and Bro-ad stairs have their sewage outfalls located here, but hey, as anyone who rents one of their beach huts will attest, the 'blind salmon' make for some astonishing silhouettes at sunset.
Friday, 5 October 2007
PALM BAY
Moving to the north of the Isle, it is necessary, of course, for any island to have a special place for those that it deems to be wankers. Well, the name speaks for itself, doesn't it?
Unfortunately, due to population increases and immigration from the mainland (not just our own), there has been an over-spill into Margate, with the Palm Bay side being more heavily affected.
If it comes any closer (there have already been numerous sightings in and over Westgate), I may have to move!
Unfortunately, due to population increases and immigration from the mainland (not just our own), there has been an over-spill into Margate, with the Palm Bay side being more heavily affected.
If it comes any closer (there have already been numerous sightings in and over Westgate), I may have to move!
BRO-AD STAIRS.
Similarly, a neighbouring town has its name derived from the huge amount of PC promotion of stair-lifts that didn't appear to be exclusively for 'white folk'.
It's worth noting that this has been countered, somewhat, by the later advent of a celebration known as 'folk week'.
Surprising how many people misinterpret this as something else, entirely!
It's worth noting that this has been countered, somewhat, by the later advent of a celebration known as 'folk week'.
Surprising how many people misinterpret this as something else, entirely!
RA, MSG, ATE!
Here's a little known 'solid fact' that I'd imagine you Southern softies of our fair-isle were hitherto unaware of!
How your Heras girdled, unemployment blighted town got it's name.
Having had, for many years now, access to a tome of such import and magnitude, bearing, as it does, information that, were it to fall into the wrong hands (ie the council or the police), it would surely spell our doom, I feel it safe(ish) to reveal this small snippet of knowledge without too much fear of recriminative harm being done.
It seems that, in days of yore, the southern underbelly of Thanet (nee Thor's Nut, though it's unclear as to which one they refer) was a popular holiday venue for the Gods, in a time when they thought it safe to roam the Earth without fear of being run over by some spotty oik in a clapped-out Vauxhall Nova that could (and invariably would), inexplicably defying natural, physical laws, reach speeds of almost 70 MPH. And during this period, one such God, an Egyptian fella who looks after the Sun for us, would visit frequently, soley on the strength of, as He described it, our wonderful interpretation of Chinese take-away food!
The rest, I think, you can work out for yourselves.
How your Heras girdled, unemployment blighted town got it's name.
Having had, for many years now, access to a tome of such import and magnitude, bearing, as it does, information that, were it to fall into the wrong hands (ie the council or the police), it would surely spell our doom, I feel it safe(ish) to reveal this small snippet of knowledge without too much fear of recriminative harm being done.
It seems that, in days of yore, the southern underbelly of Thanet (nee Thor's Nut, though it's unclear as to which one they refer) was a popular holiday venue for the Gods, in a time when they thought it safe to roam the Earth without fear of being run over by some spotty oik in a clapped-out Vauxhall Nova that could (and invariably would), inexplicably defying natural, physical laws, reach speeds of almost 70 MPH. And during this period, one such God, an Egyptian fella who looks after the Sun for us, would visit frequently, soley on the strength of, as He described it, our wonderful interpretation of Chinese take-away food!
The rest, I think, you can work out for yourselves.
Friday, 28 September 2007
Candida CAMRA.
Following the enormous success of our inaugral beer festival, here in Birchington on 14th April, I figured that we'd gained enough experience to be able to help that 'Thanet CAMRA lot' to see where they went wrong with theirs, the week previously.
That's just the kind of helpful soul that I am!
So, after a bit of research and a bit of 'being fobbed off', I finally managed to get hold of the chap that calls all the shots, as far as their beer festival is concerned.
My kind offer of help, by pointing out some of the things that were missing from their festival, such as karaoke, cribbage and the sale of home-made, iced buns, was met with an extraordinary tirade of abuse. And very shortly into this assault, it dawned on me that my protagonist was none other than 'Father Ted' from oop North. The nice chap that necessitated intervention by the police, at our festival.
What ever happened to the beardy weirdy, pipe smoking, chunky knit jumpered, beer pacifist CAMRA stereotype of yesteryear?
That's just the kind of helpful soul that I am!
So, after a bit of research and a bit of 'being fobbed off', I finally managed to get hold of the chap that calls all the shots, as far as their beer festival is concerned.
My kind offer of help, by pointing out some of the things that were missing from their festival, such as karaoke, cribbage and the sale of home-made, iced buns, was met with an extraordinary tirade of abuse. And very shortly into this assault, it dawned on me that my protagonist was none other than 'Father Ted' from oop North. The nice chap that necessitated intervention by the police, at our festival.
What ever happened to the beardy weirdy, pipe smoking, chunky knit jumpered, beer pacifist CAMRA stereotype of yesteryear?
Thursday, 20 September 2007
The Sultan Of Saltaire.
It's my dream to, one day, have visited the Gay Capital of every County in England. So, with that thought niggling in my mind, I decided to take Clarence, AKA 'Love' (pronounced 'Loöv'), a good chum of mine, up on his offer of a visit to his home in Bradford.
What a beautiful place he lives in!
He's actually in Saltaire, a NW suburb of Bradford (pronounced 'Bratfart'), and that place is just bumfun central.
Seriously, here's what saturday night looks like from Clarence's balcony.
..er, looking back into his flat, that is!
Gosh, if the standard of living were acceptable to a normal human being and the indiginous populace weren't so 'pig ignorant', I think I'd like to go and live there.
What a beautiful place he lives in!
He's actually in Saltaire, a NW suburb of Bradford (pronounced 'Bratfart'), and that place is just bumfun central.
Seriously, here's what saturday night looks like from Clarence's balcony.
..er, looking back into his flat, that is!
Gosh, if the standard of living were acceptable to a normal human being and the indiginous populace weren't so 'pig ignorant', I think I'd like to go and live there.
Friday, 14 September 2007
Lost Boys.
Unfortunately for myself (and probably everyone else), I have the hardest time blogging unless I'm either drunk or hungover. It just doesn't work for me, otherwise!
So, after being invited to friends' last night and drinking a couple of bottles of wine, a few G&Ts and some grappa, I find myself fit-to-blog for the first time since fags were banned from pubs.
I must say I think it's pretty unfair that the government has been allowed to target homosexuals in this way but, when you think about it, this sort of thing has gone on since time immoral, hasn't it!
Who will be next, I wonder? One would hope that it'll be taxi drivers being banned from the road or old people being barred from post offices but, thinking about it, that'd be far too sensible a thing to do!
Nope, I've a feeling it's going to be trannies being ejected from church. Who would take communion, then?
So, after being invited to friends' last night and drinking a couple of bottles of wine, a few G&Ts and some grappa, I find myself fit-to-blog for the first time since fags were banned from pubs.
I must say I think it's pretty unfair that the government has been allowed to target homosexuals in this way but, when you think about it, this sort of thing has gone on since time immoral, hasn't it!
Who will be next, I wonder? One would hope that it'll be taxi drivers being banned from the road or old people being barred from post offices but, thinking about it, that'd be far too sensible a thing to do!
Nope, I've a feeling it's going to be trannies being ejected from church. Who would take communion, then?
Monday, 16 July 2007
Ashes To Ashes.
Having lived for months in dread and horror at the prospect of not being allowed to smoke in the pub any more, I now feel quite the fool and am getting the idea that this ban is actually the 'breath of fresh air' that the pub trade has needed for some time, now!
So long as the weather holds out, that is.
Last night reminded me of The Queen's Silver Jubilee, with people spilling out onto the street and mixing with all and sundry that happened by. And, as expected, quite a few of the non-smokers were out there too, their only other choice being to be stuck inside with the bores and cowards that simply don't have the gumption to enjoy a fag (I could show them a few things there)!
I think I may go shopping for my winter coat now, before all the nice ones get snapped up. I've a feeling that coat manufacturers are going to have a bumper year, this year.
Jobs for unwanted barstaff?
So long as the weather holds out, that is.
Last night reminded me of The Queen's Silver Jubilee, with people spilling out onto the street and mixing with all and sundry that happened by. And, as expected, quite a few of the non-smokers were out there too, their only other choice being to be stuck inside with the bores and cowards that simply don't have the gumption to enjoy a fag (I could show them a few things there)!
I think I may go shopping for my winter coat now, before all the nice ones get snapped up. I've a feeling that coat manufacturers are going to have a bumper year, this year.
Jobs for unwanted barstaff?
Saturday, 14 July 2007
A Month In Crinkley Bottom.
Has it really been a whole month since my last post? I was going to say 'entry', but that certainly wouldn't be true! Mind you, 'post' would be a bit of a grey area (more about that, shortly) too, coming to think of it.
Any-old-road, I met this, erm, older gentleman from London, last month, and have spent a little time at his place, in his company and that of a few of his stockbroker friends.
Quite an eye-opener, if you'll pardon the pun.
It simply hadn't ever occured to me that people in 'high stress' jobs would, naturally, make very interesting bed companions. Well, involuntary twitching of the sphincter need not neccesarily be a handicap in all walks of life.
And I must confess my surprise at discovering that he was 74 years old. I thought he was in his 80's, going by his appalling state of decay!
Still, he had a few beans to chuck around and I've been curious about that kind of lifestyle since hearing Eastcliff Richard constantly gloating and banging on about it, so I thought I'd give it a whirl.
Rather enjoyed it, I must say!
Though I have put on two stone in weight and developed an aversion to dried prunes, on the strength that they remind me of the poor old fella's somewhat knarly pair of knackers.
The things we'll do for money, eh?
Any-old-road, I met this, erm, older gentleman from London, last month, and have spent a little time at his place, in his company and that of a few of his stockbroker friends.
Quite an eye-opener, if you'll pardon the pun.
It simply hadn't ever occured to me that people in 'high stress' jobs would, naturally, make very interesting bed companions. Well, involuntary twitching of the sphincter need not neccesarily be a handicap in all walks of life.
And I must confess my surprise at discovering that he was 74 years old. I thought he was in his 80's, going by his appalling state of decay!
Still, he had a few beans to chuck around and I've been curious about that kind of lifestyle since hearing Eastcliff Richard constantly gloating and banging on about it, so I thought I'd give it a whirl.
Rather enjoyed it, I must say!
Though I have put on two stone in weight and developed an aversion to dried prunes, on the strength that they remind me of the poor old fella's somewhat knarly pair of knackers.
The things we'll do for money, eh?
Tuesday, 12 June 2007
Compromised Principals Syndrome (CPS).
Refreshing to see that even the World of Blog is not immune from our ever growing (out of control, like a cancer and so on...) litigation culture, with threats of legal action being bandied about like seagull poo, at the moment.
And people seem so proud that they currently have this weapon of ultimate defence/attack at their disposal. They also seem quite proud that the house they bought in 1995 for £50,000 is now worth over £200,000.
Why?
Because the same people that instigated all of this (solicitors, estate agents, building societies, government), stand to make heaps of cash out of it, so it's been 'sold' to us as the way forward?
Surely not, you say!
Well I, for one, don't believe that it has as much to do with improving my quality of life, as theirs.
And besides, what use would a World, where everyone has had their arses sued off, be to me?!
And people seem so proud that they currently have this weapon of ultimate defence/attack at their disposal. They also seem quite proud that the house they bought in 1995 for £50,000 is now worth over £200,000.
Why?
Because the same people that instigated all of this (solicitors, estate agents, building societies, government), stand to make heaps of cash out of it, so it's been 'sold' to us as the way forward?
Surely not, you say!
Well I, for one, don't believe that it has as much to do with improving my quality of life, as theirs.
And besides, what use would a World, where everyone has had their arses sued off, be to me?!
Sunday, 10 June 2007
Raiding Party.
Not normally one for turning up anywhere, uninvited (except, maybe, ECR's blog, but I don't think he minds as much as he makes out), I found myself tagging along with a handfull of revellers to a party they were going to, in Ramsgate, last night.
I thought I'd inadvertently stumbled across Narnia, when I got there.
As it turned out, it was a fancy dress party with a 1940's theme.
I've been to a few of those, in Birchington, but they call them Nostalgia Parties, here.
Anyway, to cut a short story, long, I met this lovely young stud called Jamie who was wearing the most stunning hat, and I think I may be in love!
I also met, oddly enough, a collection of some of the tallest people I'd ever seen in one place.
I think I may also still be a bit pissed!
That Ramsgate, it seems, is quite a fun place to be and I really think it's time to haul my cute ass over to visit some of their estate agents.
I thought I'd inadvertently stumbled across Narnia, when I got there.
As it turned out, it was a fancy dress party with a 1940's theme.
I've been to a few of those, in Birchington, but they call them Nostalgia Parties, here.
Anyway, to cut a short story, long, I met this lovely young stud called Jamie who was wearing the most stunning hat, and I think I may be in love!
I also met, oddly enough, a collection of some of the tallest people I'd ever seen in one place.
I think I may also still be a bit pissed!
That Ramsgate, it seems, is quite a fun place to be and I really think it's time to haul my cute ass over to visit some of their estate agents.
Saturday, 9 June 2007
Going Under Cover!
What with all this publicity that I've been getting of late, winning an award in a semi-national paper (some of them get recycled in Bradford) and being sued for libel by Canadian lawyers, I think I may have to disguise myself a little better, as I don't think that sunglasses will cut it now that the heat is on.
So, let's hope that this does the trick!
So, let's hope that this does the trick!
Up To My Balls In A Dyke.
As happens, from time to time, this week saw me going on a huge bender (not for the first time, though I'm not condoning obesity) and ending up lodged in a muddy crevice (no stranger to that, either).
One of those things that starts off gently enough, as a couple of drinks with a few friends, and then goes on and on and on. And as we all know, I'm sure, it's going to end up with someone looking pretty stupid (usually me) but the booze kinda negates the worry of that.
And I know it may seem like 'closing the door after the horse has bolted' but I think I'll be shunting off to our local fishing tackle shop today, to invest in a pair of waders, should I decide to shortcut through the countryside, pissed, on future occasions. They could come in useful for some of the messier encounters with 'friends', that also happen from time to time, to boot (pun intended)!
Right, where's that bloody Alka Selzer?
One of those things that starts off gently enough, as a couple of drinks with a few friends, and then goes on and on and on. And as we all know, I'm sure, it's going to end up with someone looking pretty stupid (usually me) but the booze kinda negates the worry of that.
And I know it may seem like 'closing the door after the horse has bolted' but I think I'll be shunting off to our local fishing tackle shop today, to invest in a pair of waders, should I decide to shortcut through the countryside, pissed, on future occasions. They could come in useful for some of the messier encounters with 'friends', that also happen from time to time, to boot (pun intended)!
Right, where's that bloody Alka Selzer?
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
Stumped Bailes!
As a few of you have astutely pointed out, there is a possibility that I may be related to another blogger who lives quite close to me. In fact, were any of you to take the trouble of venturing over to this side of the island, you may even discover that the plot is a tad thicker than that!
Ashamed as I am to admit it, inbreeding has been quietly prevalent in these parts for many years.
Anyone that has any doubts about that need only pop up here, after the pubs chuck out, to witness The Half-Brother Army kicking the crap out of everything and the bemused yelps of disappointment when tin, scrumpy cider and other precious things are not given forth in response.
So it came as no surprise to me when The Andrex Times completely overlooked this, as it's my firm belief that their entire staff is similarly blighted and, therefore, unable to spot that anything may be amiss.
I can't help thinking that if everyone were a bit more like me, we could prevent this horror from being passed on to the next generation!
Ashamed as I am to admit it, inbreeding has been quietly prevalent in these parts for many years.
Anyone that has any doubts about that need only pop up here, after the pubs chuck out, to witness The Half-Brother Army kicking the crap out of everything and the bemused yelps of disappointment when tin, scrumpy cider and other precious things are not given forth in response.
So it came as no surprise to me when The Andrex Times completely overlooked this, as it's my firm belief that their entire staff is similarly blighted and, therefore, unable to spot that anything may be amiss.
I can't help thinking that if everyone were a bit more like me, we could prevent this horror from being passed on to the next generation!
Am I Nick Dorman?
I've been asked that before, some time ago, and now, what with all this nonsense in The Times that stinks to high Heaven of nepotism, I find myself asking that same question OF myself!
Ever the optimist, though, I could console myself with killing two birds with one stone and and 'go fuck myself', were it true, which I'm pretty sure it isn't... er, I hope!
Anyway, I must fly. The self-publication machine waits for no man!
Crap!!! I hope that doesn't mean that I'm Simon Moores, too!
Ever the optimist, though, I could console myself with killing two birds with one stone and and 'go fuck myself', were it true, which I'm pretty sure it isn't... er, I hope!
Anyway, I must fly. The self-publication machine waits for no man!
Crap!!! I hope that doesn't mean that I'm Simon Moores, too!
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