Monday, 9 April 2007

The Real Real Ale Festival.

Not being too impressed with those pipe smoking, chunky cardigan wearing, pot bellied, beer pedants at Thanet CAMRA, we've decided, among us suit wearing, secret handshaking, fill the coffee table with car keys, upper echelon Birchington Rotarians to 'up' our order for this weekend's beer festival and I'm proud to announce that we'll now be offering a selection of over 3,500 different ales, around 600 different ciders, John Smith's Extra Smooth AND HΓΌrlimann Lager!
That ought to show 'em!
The vicar is getting a little worried now, as this will mean extending the event into the church and his house (we'll be booking him into a room over The Pewter Pot for the weekend) but, as we've assured him, it'll put us on the map and hopefully stand us in good stead for getting the theme park and casino that he's dreamt about for the last thirty years. Yes, we know that people will most likely be using the gravestones for support while they syphon off all that excess beer but it can be cleaned up, so don't fret vicky boy.
ALSO (and this is the biggie and the reason that I've been too busy to blog for the last week), every beer is going to be cooled to about 1 degree. We'll be having a team of experts from Churchill's Tavern in Ramsgate to come and help us out with that!

Eat your heart out CAMRA, this is going to net us millions!!!


Eastcliff Richard said...

Your queer beer festival sounds like a hoot! Bit of a schlep for me to get all the way over to Bitchington, though, so I was stuck with the beardies.

Maybe next year you could put on a shuttle bus for us poor buggers on the south side?

Justin Brown said...

It's not too late, Dickie darling, as you appear to have got hold of the wrong end of my stick.
Our fest is this coming Saturday, so you've not missed it at all.
AND there won't be all that mucking around with 'Sunday service' on the busses unless you find yourself sleeping in a hedge overnight.

Eastcliff Richard said...

Sorry Justin me old mucker, the old brain cells have gone on strike after that pint of Liquid Lobotomy at the weekend.

So it's this Saturday? Where? The Pewter Twot? Or all over Bitchington?

Justin Brown said...

Church House, near the church (oddly enough), from noon until 11pm on Saturday.
I do hope that doesn't contravene my recently amended contract, which now reads 'Just keep out of it, you queer twat!'
I'm really not up for another pasting of the type that these beerheads can dish out!